the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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