I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Randomize
