At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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