Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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