would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
