Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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