High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize