So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
