Im at strip club and am horny
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
another moral hangover. fuck.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
