The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
His nipple licking is glorious
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