like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
