i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
