Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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