Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You ruined the universe
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
