I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
