I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
