Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
