I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
