If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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