I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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