I heard we made out
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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