The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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