Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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