The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
