Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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