can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
