literally had 100 drinks last night.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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