I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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