so that wasnt chicken after all
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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