i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We're too hungover to prance.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
