how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
