Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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