Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
