My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
