You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I seem to have left my pride at pride
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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