My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
