Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
How external is "for external use only"?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
