By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize