What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
