Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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