I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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