just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
