I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
