i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
