He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize