MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
