after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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