She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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