Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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