i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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