just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
