so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize