I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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