I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
