She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
