On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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