I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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