Already got asked if we're dating
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
