look no pants
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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