you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
