I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
