I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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