Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
