oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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