I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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