And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
