I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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