omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It's never too late to be topless.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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