using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
