I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize