his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
