I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Randomize
