All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
