had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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