I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
