Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
