I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
