In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
