Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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