i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
