Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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