Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
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