She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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