my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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