stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
