just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize