I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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