I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
