i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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