her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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