remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
someone threw a dead crab at me
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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