Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
