I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
