Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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