omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
