her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
soo... how was my night?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
