yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
