These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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