I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
