If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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