My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
