so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
