Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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