Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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