Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
